Monthly Archives: June 2011

A Comic Book Nerd’s Don’t Date Babe of the Week: Mystique

Many a nerd has fantasized about their favorite comic book babe and the wonderful sweet love that could be make with them; while perusing the many forums around the web I have found that some go as far as thinking that many of these femme fatales would make execellent girlfriends or wives There are plenty of sites on the net that offer up the sexiest and most desirable of plentiful stock of comic book babes but only us here at The Data Feed have the balls of steel to tell you how it is, and what bad babes to avoid. So in case you suddenly get a genie, reality warping powers, or consume copious amounts of LSD read up,  because week after week we will making you think twice about your secret fantasy relationship with the girl of your dreams. Which brings us to……


I have thought about it.....trust me

Mystique:

I know what you are thinking what could possibly be wrong with a sexy blue women who could turn into any of your other nerdy fantasy babes on a whim? Why dear god would any man turn down the esteemed chance to be a father in-law to Nightcrawler, one of the most badass mutants to ever wear the leotard? Well my poor, confused, inquisitive friend let me tell you.

1. She hates you-
As a leading member of The Brotherhood of Mutants, she has a love for mutants and a fairly keen hatred for everyone else. Chances are that you my fine sir are not an member of the badass gene pool that spawns the kinda man that makes her all hot and bothered. Mystique even formed her only little happy band of evil mutants with the goal of killing off humans and instigating the glorious revival of mutant kind. If Mystique’s glaring hatred and disgust of your mundane, non-mutant DNA is not to deflate your um..”vast ego” ; keep in mind that it standard practice for her to lure you in with her sexy ways, kill you, then steal your appearance. If she would please instead of tease, I am sure plenty a man would still consider it a win; but why die when all you get is a little boob at best?

2. She is old and hot, You’ll get old and die-

I have nothing against the granny lovers in the audience, in fact it is you fine gentleman that keep the senior citizens busy while we play on their lawn. Mystique has been alive for centuries, and before someone mentions the experience in certain areas she must have acquired, I want you to think about it. Mystique can change her appearance so will always be a smoking hot piece of tail, you however

oldy

come give daddy a kiss Mystique!

will get old and unappealing. Now unless she is your bound, unwilling slave your sagging physique will not keep her entertained for long. This too might not seem all that bad, you get 10 years of hotness then she is gone; wait. what. what happened to all the other men she has had in the past? Well they have a tendency to die horrible brutal deaths when Mystique gets bored and goes looking for a younger stud. To be fair they aren’t all her fault, but still “horrible brutal deaths”

3. She can always test you-

Say you are out having dinner at some fancy eatery(Buffalo Wild Wings) with a group of friends and enemies that you have invited so that you could show off your stellar babe( stellars still cool right, right) when all of a sudden a cute waitress walks by and you turn your head. Nothing escapes the hawk like gaze of Mystique and later that during lunch when you go to bathroom the waitress rushes you and leans in close for a kiss. With the waitress oozing sexuality and with you being a man, your other head does the thinking and you kiss her. As you do the waitress turns into a royally ticked off Mystique, and your neck gets snapped. This is just one example, you would never be able to talk to anyone about anything without having to wonder if it is really her in disguise. The bro you ranted to about her need to wear baby skulls all the time, yeah that was Mystique, and she is pissed. She has what almost every other girl want to have:  the ability to know what you think about her, and if given a hot perfect situation if you would give in to temptation. Maybe you would always be faithful and true, so the slew of sexy girls vying for a hot piece of you wouldn’t turn you, but even then you still don’t know if one of the guys is actually your women.

4. If you make her mad she can not only kill you, but scar you for life-
If you think that your girlfriend mess with your psyche now, just give them the ability to make your worse fears come alive. Some women withhold sex if they are miffed at you, not Mystique; she will lay you down by the fire, get all sexy, and when the ocean is about to be in motion- turn into a 400lb pound tub of sweaty man meat or maybe your mother or grandmother or the creepy clown who touched you at summer camp( repress, repress). Get the point? Lets do show and tell-

From Super Sexy Babe to "OMG burn it with Fire!!!"

 

 

 

 

This, in your bed, she is still caressing your earlobe with her mouth, asking if you like her cooking now!

 

 

 

 

 

That concludes our first Don’t Date Babe of the Week, would you still date her? Got an Idea for next week? Disagree with a part of the post? Want to tell me go to hell? Then leave a comment below!

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A Nerdy Glance at the Best of E3 2011

E3 is where Video Game Nerds from across the world learn what they are going to be wishing for, dreaming of, and hopefully playing for the rest of the year. The following are just a few games that caught the keen nerdy eye of our editor; so sit back, click play, and strap on your knee pads cause you’re about to get F ‘ed in the brain.

Batman: Arkham City-

As the sequel to one of the greatest superhero games(a genre that besides for Spiderman used to suck, royally), “Batman: Arkham City” has a lot to live up to. Thankfully it appears to be meeting the challenge head on. Rather than the corridor-heavy exploration of “Arkham Asylum,” the sequel is wide open, letting the Dark Knight glide and grapple across Gotham with ease. It’s also gorgeously detailed, with fan service touches like a Flying Graysons poster hanging on a building. Toss in Catwoman as a fully-playable character (who wouldn’t want to play with catwomen for awhile ;p) and you are sure to have a hit.

Gears of War 3-

The first thing I want to see is that this game looks beautiful, it seems the guys from Epic know what their players want and are out to give it to them. While it is safe to say that the complexity and depth of the story will still be on the same level of a 5 year old’s writing assignment, once again seem to have kept the addicting gameplay as well as add a few tweaks to the multiplayer that will keep it fresh and fun. The most interesting thing to note is the new feature on Horde Mode which lets you level up your defenses and weapons as you drudge your ways to the waves.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim-

I have personally logged in over 400 hours into Oblivion( a number matched only by Tales of Symphonia) and when I saw this trailer I literally drooled.  Though it seems to have the same gameplay and basic look of Oblivion, sometimes the “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” approach allows a game to keep the best aspects of the old and merge it with the modern.  With breathtaking new character models, the additions of Dragon Shouts, a new relationship system, plus the depth of story and character creation Elder Scrolls is known for, who wouldn’t be anxiously awaiting this game.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 –

I wasn’t too keen about the first trailer for this game I saw, but the second trailer, which apparently aired during Microsoft’s E3 press conference, was undeniably spectacular. As the multiplayer trendsetter of the market this game will undoubtedly take predecessor as number one. I cannot wait to spend many a.m hours playing, getting new guns, and making little kids cry.

Star Wars: The Old Republic –

Ever since the end of KOTOR 2 I have been waiting for a continuation of one of the greatest rpgs on the original Xbox. I would have been moderately happy if even some toothless, drunken no name game producer would have made this but when I saw the name BioWare I nearly cried with joy. Several of us Star Wars nerds have been following this game for some time, on the official website there are already hundreds of guilds that are over 2 years old. This is a very ambitious MMORPG;  is it the first fully voiced, story driven entry into the genre, it also features a versatile  cover system unlike the MMO world has seen before. Little gameplay footage has been released and the talents for each class are constantly changing during development, but trailers like this have a level of Epic Awesome that keeps fans waiting.

Mass Effect 3-

The scale of the game seems enormous–BioWare truly has honed the mixing of epic action and intelligent storytelling, with loads of role-playing game elements to boot. The war with the Reapers is coming to a head, and the tension built up for this moment is concrete. We’ll finally see the end of Shepard’s story, for now at least, in what is shaping up to be the finest seventh-gen trilogy available.I can’t wait to play Mass Effect 2 and then fully experience the awe-inducing experience that BioWare has offered us players.

BioShock Infinite-

This game looks nothing short of spectacular.  From what I have read series creator Ken Levine is back on board and looks like he’s working to recapture the same gaming magic that made the original a part of the staple collection among gamers.  With a new spectacular setting in the floating city of Columbia, and a new riveting story, this is the  game to watch for next year.

Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception-

It falls under the umbrella of “games you know people are gonna love it”, and while I haven’t played any of them the PS3 owner have spoken for this franchise in the past. While the trailer seems awesome in a “Micheal Bay: Stuff makes loud noises and everything creates an awesome explosion” kinda way, I have seen some samples of the gameplay and would be lying if I said I was not interested.  I may not have a PS3 but the game looks like another awesome entry in Sony’s franchise.

X-Men: Destiny-

If there is one good thing that can be said about game producer Silicon Knights it is that they are masters of fun game play and absurd amounts of customization. Add these qualities to the rich backdrop of the Marvel Universe and the engaging story X-Men is known for, and this a game that could shake up the gaming market. In a list of third installments it is very nice to see a fresh face with such promise. From what I heard so far the game will concentrate on three mutant newcomers — the ferociously electric Aimi Yoshida (sexy Asian), the powerful Grant Alexander(do-gooding Jock)  and the mysterious Adrian(The Emo), a “Pure Fire” seeking vengeance for his father’s death. Each will be able to evolve/change their powers in numerous ways (something SK does very well), and have a unique-ish storyline with multiple endings. This does have several concerns among the community about the choice of producer, and the dropping of Uncanny X-Men artist Whilce Portacio (who still was contracted to do the character concepts, but not the level artwork). Out of all of the E3 releases this is the one that I hope is amazing and doesn’t fail like many others fear.


Comic Book Nerd Lingo

Any successful comic book nerd has to understand certain terms if he or (less likely) she is going to immerse themselves into the community and engage in endless infighting on forums across the internet. Since many terms are made up on the spot or are so rarely used that no one really know their meaning, there may be some words you encounter that are not on this list. Some terms were omitted due to the ability to easily infer their meaning, and most terms are present because a simple Google search will not reveal its meaning. With any luck though, this list will provide a helpful way to understand posts on this website, as well as allow newcomers to join the dedicated flock of comic book nerds!

Alternative Comics:
Type of comics that began to appear in the 1980s as a result of the underground comix movement. Alternative comic often feature risqué or traditionally socially unacceptable themes ranging from sex between homosexuals to superheroines with crimefighting genitalia.

Atom Age Comics:
Comic books published from 1946 to 1956, featuring invincible heroes that saved the day with little or no opposition.

Back-up Feature:
Characters or other stories featured in a comic book aside from the main story. These are commonly used to add drama or comic relief; acting to counterbalance the main tone of the story

Bad Girl Art:
Originating from the early 90s, this term is used to describe comic art style that depicts women as overtly sexual and seductive. Characters drawn in this style often serve to offer a sexy, dangerous alternative to the love object of a superhero’s secret identity. Ex. Black Cat’s sensual and flirtatious demeanor; as opposed to the conservative, relatively plain Mary Jane in Spider man comics.

Bronze Age:
Comic books published from 1970 to 1984, characterized by brightly clad superheroes in flamboyant costumes and dark storylines depicting real life issues such as drug use and racial violence.

Cannon:
Following in line with the set history of the comic universe and accepted as fact for future developments. It is important to note that crossovers between comic producers(ex. Justice League Vs. The Avengers) and most single issue comics are not considered cannon.

CIS:
Character Induced Stupidity; when a comic book character could easily solve a problem/defeat a foe with proper logic or practical application of their powers; yet do not because of mental limitation imposed by the creator. Ex. The Hulk is a being of tremendous stamina and limitless strength but is often defeated by being outsmarted.

Copper Age:
Comic books published from 1984 to 1992, characterized by characters who are psychologically complex and with darker personalities such as Watchmen and Batman: The Dark Knight Returns. Served as a response to the commercialization of comics at the time, and began the birth of many independent comic producers.

Crisis:
The DC comic event that led to the destruction of the infinite multiverse by the hand of The Anti-Monitor, leaving only one universe left in the DC continuum. This drastically changed some characters powers and caused death of many heroes post-crisis. People usually will refer to pre or post crisis versions of superheroes when discussing a abilities or powers. Ex. Pre-Crisis Superman could throw galaxies, Post-Crisis he could be beaten by Lex Luther in a power suit.

Fanboyism:
Someone who loves a character so much that they refuse to acknowledge that there is any situation in which there chosen hero could lose a fight or be unable to save the day. They are a common occurrence on most comic book forums, with Superman and Batman being the most prevalent. Ex. Fanboy: Superman could never lose to The Green Lantern no matter what, Superman is awesome!! Normal Poster: The Green Lantern can produce kryptonite radiation, and has beaten him already in the Justice League Series; it is obvious he can win at least some of the time if not most. Fanboy: You are stupid, superman is the great American hero, there no way he could lose to some pansy galactic policeman.

Headlights:
A common euphemism for women’s breast, due to most artist drawing them in a bright clothing and making them eye-catching huge.

Modern Age:
Comic books published from 1992 to the present. Feature sleek “futuristic” costume designs and often rewrites previous cannon to establish more hip, socially relevant themes.

PIS:
Plot Induced Stupidity: When a character is able to beat someone beyond their ability or solving a problem they could not possibly solve due to the fact that they are the main character of the comic. Ex. Normal humans hurting Superman with their fist, or Squirrel Girl (a low level mutant with squirrel features and powers) beating cosmically powerful villains.

S&K:
A comic written by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby

Silver Age:
Comic books published from 1956 to 1969, a time when comics became a major commercial success and the standard for artwork was greatly raised.

WIS:
Writer Induced Stupidity: see PIS they are often used interchangeably.